A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.The man said, "Are you talking to me?"The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

On their first night together, the newly weds decided to set up signalsconcerning their "urges".The lady said "If you want it, squeeze my BOOB once, if you don't want it, squeeze my BOOB twice."The gent said "OK, if you want it, pull my DONG once, if you don't want it, pull my DONG 48 times."

Two married girlfriends had a long standing girls night out, dating back many months, at a local bar. On one evening they both had way to much to drink. When they left the bar, they decided to take the shortcut thru the local cemetery. Half-way thru the cemetery they both decided they had to pee. The one said, 'I will use my underwear to wipe.' Her friend said 'I did not wear any underwear.' She looked around and found a ribbon attached to a bouquet of flowers. The girls walked home and passed out. The next morning one of the husbands called the other husband to complain about the girls night out. He said, 'I am getting very tired and irritated with these girls nights out. My wife came home without her panties!' The 2nd husband said, 'That is not as bad as my situation. My wife had a card between her cheeks that said - We will miss you. From all the guys at the firehouse.