A shy guy in a crowded bar is trying to work up his nerve to talk to a beautiful girl sitting nearby. He finally goes up to her an quietly says, "Excuse me, can I buy you a drink?" She looks at him and in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, says, "No, I won't sleep with you!"
The guy is horribly embarrassed and returns to his bar stool. A few minutes later the girl comes over to him and says, "I want to apologize. I'm a grad student in psychology and am studying how people react to humiliating situations. I'm really sorry for doing that to you. Can you forgive me?"
In the same loud voice she had used, he looks at her and answers "$200! No way!"

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around inagony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,'she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel' ? He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got any specials today?"
Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink, invented by a gynecologist patron of ours.
It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"
The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."

A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for one hour. When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

A U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field over yonder."
The Agriculture representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the United States Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....
"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."
"Good morning Father, what is this?" he asked the pastor.
The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial plaque to all the young men and women who died in the Service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, he asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"

Toward the end of a service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady. Mrs. Jones? "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. "Oh. Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.The little girl screams to her brother "Don't eat it, it's an a**hole.

For Josh and Harry!

We had the best day today. The boys were in school so Laura and I went down to Hauser dam to fish on the Missouri river. These pictures are not in order. Sorry about the border on some of the pictures...I was in a hurry to get the camera and my finger hit the button for a border.

Biggest fish of the day...Caught by Laura.
Sooooo many fish.

First fish of the day...caught by Laura...Her first cast out!
Smallest fish of the day....caught by ME!
Smile!
Only rainbow trout of the day ....caught by Laura.
Biggest fish....different shot....caught by Laura.

My first fish.
Jared learning how to shoot a riffle.
Jared's very first shot....EVER!
Another big fish.
My biggest and most toothy of the day!

Gabe's school picture. 13 years old.
Jared's school picture. 6 years old.

A word of caution to those wishing to hike through bear country in Montana in order to commune with nature:

Hikers are advised wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them.

Hikers also advised to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Hikers should learn to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have noisy little bells in them and smell like pepper.

This guy was washing the dishes in his kitchen and he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door and there was nobody there. Just as he was closing it he looked down and saw a snail.
"What do you want?" he asked the snail.
"Can I have a glass of water please?" replied the snail.
"No, clear off!" shouted the guy and he punted the snail down to the bottom of the garden.
Two Years later he was in the kitchen again and he heard a familiar knock at the door. He opened the door, looked down, and saw a snail. Before he could say a word the snail shouted "What the hell was that all about?"

its just fun

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."